Proactive Aggressors 

Introduction

Children experience much of their daily life in the company of their parents. They often observe their parents’ attitudes towards others, which in turn influence the attitudes developed by the children. If parents can develop effective communication and healthy relationships with their children and others, children will develop positive characteristics and will learn how to interact appropriately with their parents and others. Viewing these video demonstrations could encourage parents to reflect on their parenting styles and improve their communication skills with their children, and teachers and social workers could become the assistants in these endeavours.

 

Wai's case

Wai was a bully in the school. One day, when Wai found an introverted classmate looking at her phone in a corner of the school, Wai and her gang began to tease the classmate. Wai grabbed her classmate’s phone and threw it back to her gang, one of whom then intentionally dropped it on the floor. Even though the teacher noticed the incident, Wai argued that she was just trying to discipline the classmate for the teacher. The victim did not accuse Wai of bullying, because she was afraid that Wai would retaliate, so the teacher had no reason to follow up the incident.

 

Negative sample (Teach the child that escaping from taking responsibility is a valid behavioural response)

• In this video, the parent encouraged the child to be irresponsible, and misled her with wrong values.

In this video, the relationship between the parent and the child became an ‘exchange of interests’. The parent rationalised the child’s aggressive behaviour, resulting in the child continuing to violate rules to achieve goals.

 

Instant intervention（Make oneself an exemplar to show the children the significance of taking responsibility）

• Let children know the seriousness of the incident.
• Exhort children to try to understand others’ feelings and how hurtful their behaviour is to the victims.
• Assist children to learn to accept responsibility for their negative behaviour.

To let children perceive the disapproval of their parents, the parents should confront children’s mistakes with a strict attitude. Furthermore, it is necessary to let the children know that their parents understand the purpose of their aggressive behaviour. In addition, parents should not accept children’s unreasonable excuses and must force them to admit to their mistakes.

The difference between parents and teachers/social workers is that parents can change their children by appealing to their filial love. Therefore, parents should help children to understand that their aggressive behaviour will make them, as parents, upset and worried. This will help children to understand their parents’ concern, and that their welfare is highly regarded by their parents. Once children know this, they will be motivated to care about others and be encouraged to take responsibility for their mistakes.

 

Long-term intervention (Support and appreciate the positive changes made by the children, and encourage them to utilise their intelligence in an appropriate way.)

• Observe their positive changes, and provide positive reinforcement to them.

Parents should understand that it is not easy for their children to change because, by rejecting aggressive behaviour, children will lose the benefits they gain from this behaviour. Parents should observe the children’s changes carefully, appreciate their hard work and provide rewards to reinforce the positive changes. Parents should also encourage the children to apply their strengths in appropriate situations and give them support for their positive changes.